


Tireless And Beyond Measure

by therewasagirl



Series: BENEATH THESE PAVEMENTS (shells, bones and silence) [4]
Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-31
Updated: 2016-05-31
Packaged: 2018-07-11 11:09:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 928
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7047019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/therewasagirl/pseuds/therewasagirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“And what is infinity? It is a word that we use to indicate the opening of our consciousness toward possibility - beyond measure. Tireless and beyond measure. “ - Antonin Artaud, from 'To Have Done with the Judgment of God.'</p><p>[posted here, after existing on tumblr for a while]</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tireless And Beyond Measure

> _And what is infinity?_  
>  It is a word  
>  that we use  
>  to indicate  
>  the opening  
>  of our consciousness  
>  toward possibility  
>  beyond measure,  
>  tireless and beyond measure.”
> 
> _**Antonin Artaud** , from “To Have Done with the Judgment of God.” _

“Did we ever do that thing like in the movies? Like, ‘quick, a guard is coming, let’s make out’”

He can’t help it, he smiles wide at her words and presses it into the skin of her collarbone.

Felicity looks back into his face, into his eyes. And sure, she knows that blue is technically at the cold end of the color spectrum; that the warm colors are yellow and red and all that. She’s never felt a warmer gaze than his, though. Nor seen anything purer than the way his whole face shines when he smiles truly.

The way Oliver Queen looks at her has a peculiar, almost indescribable effect on Felicity. That strange warm blue hue of his eyes, so alive with his every emotion, wakes a contradiction in her: a feeling that is both excitement and peacefulness; a stimulating negation[[1]](http://yellowflicker09011996.tumblr.com/post/136771758862/tireless-and-beyond-measure#_ftn1). And it’s wonderful to trust again, and stare back into his eyes with the same openness, because he makes her feel _known_.

The shade of his eyes, the look on his face, they becomes unfathomable then and she can only name them ‘not-alone’, because that’s what he makes her feel.

The way he loves, with such clear-cut focus, such unshakeable certainty ( _that cuts through everything and anchors everything, even when they disagree, even when they fight_ ) makes it easy to explore the hidden depths of this love that sleeps inside her ( _even though the helplessness before what she feels for him still unsettles her_ ).

It’s like relearning herself, gently. Like being reborn to a new self, slowly and meeting that person with utter recognition. Every time she is like this with him… it’s like being reborn. She thinks it’s not possible, but she loves him more every day.

Maybe it _is_ impossible: maybe she just loves him _better_. ( _maybe she just lets herself love, and it washes over her - that forgotten feeling: peacefulness_ )

So when his smile turns so sweet, and he looks at her that way, like he’s seen inside her soul and found himself there, Felicity can’t help but lean in to kiss him.

She must. Does she even need reason?

He kisses back lightly, teasing. She lets it last a while before she nudges his lips with hers, licks inside his mouth the way she knows he loves; the way that makes him melt against the back of the couch and moan in this throat.

It’s an incomparable thrill, knowing that this man wants nothing more than to be taken; to feel her certainty in her wanting him as much as he wants her, as much as he loves her.

Felicity is learning slowly that this is something she has no trouble giving.

They back away from each other, breathing each other.

“Like that.” She whispers, brushing the words with her lips onto his, gentle sweeps that tinkle and thrill. He takes it as an invitation, leans in; she nips his bottom lip with her teeth and then backs away when he chases. It makes him laugh.

“Well? Did we ever do that?”

His hand brushes a curl behind her ear. “No.”

She _loves_ when he speaks like this. Loves, down to her marrow, the way he gentles his voice for her. It makes her feel closer to him than almost anything. ( _almost_ )

“We were…” He catches himself, holds it back. He is the only one that takes such painstaking care at never imposing any kind of vision of her past unto her ( _paradoxically, he is also the only one that could possibly get away with doing that, but not without hurting her and he knows that_ ) He never talks about how she was, what she did, unless she asks him to… and that too, she thinks, is a reason to love him. ( _she stopped looking for reasons a while ago_ )

Yes, _love_. What else could it possibly be?

“We were never people who touched carelessly.” Oliver explains, his eyes a bit more serious. Just a bit more sad than before. “I never have and I don’t think you have either. It always meant something.”

And he proves it, with his hand sliding up and down her back, warm, heavy, so very deliberate… and Felicity understands ( _remembers the way he used to dare a brush of his hand on her shoulder, or her bare arm that one time, during that party; or her face when he was especially worried. She remembers it had taken them two years to share a hug and_ knows _, of course it had, he’d been so weary of going anywhere nearer to her._ ) She loves the way he touches her so freely now. She’s missed it with a soul-crushing ache while not knowing what it was she was missing.

“To kiss you would mean to love you, and I knew _that_ even before I ever knew I was in love with you …No, we never did that.”

Maybe that’s true, maybe it’s not. It doesn’t matter. Felicity kisses him again, without reason. Just because she wants to. Maybe because they’re so good at it that it would be a shame not to. Maybe because the past and whoever they were in it, is over, and this is something else.

* * *

[[1]](http://yellowflicker09011996.tumblr.com/post/136771758862/tireless-and-beyond-measure#_ftnref1) Adapted from Goethe’s Theory of Colors, and his discourse about the color blue, which is a delight to read about. 


End file.
